Jean Grey: Mutant Mother of all Vampires
by batman100
Summary: It's late night at the X-Mansion, and Jean is out for blood...in vampire terms of course. What madness will happen? Is the X-Mansion on the brink of chaos? Can Colossus and Scott save the day? Read the crazy story and find out!
1. Chapter 1

**Jean Grey: Mutant Mother of all Vampires**

**Yet again a piece of insanity from my insane mind. I do not own X-Men: Evolution characters being a seductive vampiress. Enjoy! R&R**

The Xavier Mansion

Time: 11:45 PM

"I think that's enough of 24 for today boys." Jean instructed to Ray and Roberto, as she shut off the TV

"Hey what the- C'mon Jean! The show was getting good!" Ray complained

"Ray you know the code: 11:45 is lights out time. So both you and Roberto up in the dorm room and lights out." Jean ordered

"And if we refuse?" Ray asked

Jean smiled seductively and purred "I'll persuade you" and sprinkled glowing sand dust over Ray and Roberto

"Ugh! What the heck is this…stuff…" Ray slurred, yawning

"It's…sand…" Roberto mumbled before the two hit the floor

"Awww, how adorable." Jean cooed, seeing Ray and Roberto snore "Nighty-night boys." She whispered, smooching the two on the cheeks before exiting the room and hearing a loud crash "Oh what now?"

"JAMIE! GIMME MY MAKEUP!" Rogue hollered, chasing Jamie while carrying a pitchfork

"Did someone say 'makeup'?" Jean hollered out, holding a large bag of sand behind her back

"Jean, hand me that…" Rogue started before Jean sprayed it

"Well, how do you like the makeup?" Jean cooed as Rogue breathed it in

"Mmmm…little dust bunnies." Rogue mumbled before snoring and falling on top of Jamie

"I've never met a makeup I liked." Jean cooed as she dragged the slumbering Rogue and Jamie upstairs

Meanwhile…

"Hey, anybody seen Jean? I was gonna ask who the heck ordered this magic sand novelty crap off of e-bay?" Scott asked

"Nope, not that I know of. Ask me if I've seen Jamie, Rogue or Kitty." Remy noted

"Or Ray an' Roberto. And I also noticed Jean wearing a black dress and wig." Kurt piped up

"Ugh, not the Elvira obsession **again**…" Scott moaned

"I **told** you renting those Movie Macabre tapes from Retro Box was a bad idea." Logan hissed

"Evening boys." Jean purred, now dressed in a long leather red dress and her red hair made longer

"Uh, Jean? Have you been watching Bordello of Blood **again**?" Kurt asked nervously as he saw tinted fangs on Jean's teeth

"Mmm... feisty." Jean purred, caressing Kurt's neck

"Oh dear God." Scott gasped, covering his eyes

Meanwhile…

"Jean? Where the heck is everybody?" Peter wondered, wandering the halls before hearing Kurt scream

"Oh no. Kurt's in trouble! Hang on Kurt!" Peter roared, grabbing his shovel "Colossus to the rescue!" He charged, running downstairs

"Mmm…I love blue blood." Jean purred, her snake tongue hissing out and caressing Kurt

"Oh dear." Tabitha moaned as Jean opened her teeth

"I can't look." Bobby whimpered before…

"CLANG!"

Vampire Jean collapsed to the floor unconcscious, and reverted to her human self. And standing behind her was Colossus, holding the shovel

"Colossus triumphs again!" Peter cheered, having snapped Jean out of the vampire delusion

"Ugh, did we miss anything?" Rogue yawned, walking in before seeing Jean and Peter "What actually happened tonight?"

"It's a long story." Kurt commented

"Eh, who cares? Save it in the morning." Rogue yawned

"And who says vampires are immune to shovels?" Peter said to the audience with a wink


	2. Chapter 2

**Loose Arrows**

**I do not own X-Men: Evolution characters shooting arrows like crazy and fire-fanaticism. Again, a fine work of insane art. Enjoy! R&R please!**

"All right, which one of you jokers shot this arrow into my bathroom mirror while I was getting my makeup on?!" Jean barked, holding a pointed arrow while Scott, Remy, Peter, Kurt and Bobby were trying to keep a straight face and not from laughing

"Now come on Jean, be fair. We haven't used any of them bow and arrows since that Archery Competition last week." Remy confessed.

"Oh really? Let me see, as I recall, the competition involved arrows flying wildly, the barbecue pits lit on fire because Kurt shot an arrow into it blindfolded, the banquet was a disaster because a) the pig was a whoopee cushion made like a roasted pig b) Scott and Bobby poured salt into the drinks causing everybody to completely regurgitate all over the nice tablecloth I sewed for weeks and c) Peter and Scott rigged the boomboxes, causing it to blast out "Light my Fire" by The Doors for twelve freaking hours!" Jean yelled, finishing her rant

"Uh…now hold on. Did **I** rig those radios? What do you think, Peter?" Scott asked incredulously

"Hmmm…most peculiar, Summers. The radios had bugs emplanted on the music CD dispenser when Jean had a CD of Adele in there." Peter noted as Jean rolled her eyes

"Boys…Either fess up on which one of you did it, or am I gonna have to do the William Tell recreation again?!" Jean growled derangedly, not noticing Remy quietly slip away

"AHA! I **KNEW** IT WAS YOU, GAMBIT!" Jean cackled hysterically, charging at Remy holding a medieval dagger

"Oh look, it's Elvis!" Remy hollered, hoping to get Jean distracted

"Nice try, swamp rat! You couldn't even get yourself out of a paper bag!" Jean snapped, chasing after Remy, foaming like a mad dog

"HELP! JEAN'S GONE BERSERK!" Remy screamed, trying to avoid Jean's wrath

Meanwhile, Rogue was walking down the hallway when she heard loud shouting noises from downstairs "What the heck is going on now?" She groaned, walking toward the living room "You'd think Gambit and those crazies would try to stay out of…" she ranted before running directly into a running Remy and being bowled over by an insane Jean, shooting flaming arrows aimed at Remy

"COME BACK HERE AND TAKE ARCHING LIKE A MAN!" Jean hollered maniacally

"JEAN, HAVE YOU CONSIDERED SHOCK THERAPY!? IT DOESN'T HURT THAT…" Remy started

"SHOCK THERAPY?! What a GREAT idea!" Jean cackled, electrocuting Remy with a blast from her SHIELD taser

"BURN, GAMBIT BURN!" Jean laughed uproariously

"Scott! You gotta do something! Jean's gone mad! She's in there barbecuing Remy with one of them shock gun thingys." Lance hollered as Scott was doing a crossword puzzle

"Eh, who cares? I'm in the middle of my 90210 crossword puzzle." Scott drawled, drooling over the photo of AnnaLynne McCord's character on the crossword page

"Forget it, I'll just get Colossus." Lance moaned, wringing his hands in the air

Meanwhile, in the hallway…

"ALL HAIL THE BEAUTY OF FIRE!" Jean shrieked, dressed in a volcano type dress with fire matching scarves, carrying a fire scepter and wearing a loincloth

"Oh you've **got** to be kidding me: Since when the hell does Jean watch Temple of Doom?" Logan asked, unfazed by Jean's sudden change of sanity

"Ask me if I've seen Rogue." Bobby snorted, before looking around "Wait…where's Peter?"

"Uh, I think I know." Evan groaned, directing Bobby to the chamber hallway

"Oh, what is Tin Man doing now?" Logan growled

"Something crazy I'm sure." Forge replied

"You mean something stupid." Logan remarked

"He's carrying a large fire extinguisher." Bobby winced as Peter inched closely to Jean

"Oh dear. This is even crazier than Pyro. And this is coming from a guy who **used** to work with him!" Lance commented

"No kidding. Oh Peter's right behind Jean. He's got the shovel." Logan piped up

"Three…two…" Bobby winced before

"CLONG!"

"Thank you Andre, I'll have the veal piccata." Jean mumbled before regaining her sanity "Ugh…did I miss anything?"

"Let's just say things didn't quite hit the bullseye." Scott answered, caressing Jean before passionately kissing her

"Oh mein Gott!" Kurt gasped, disgusted by the apparent love fest

"So much for a romantic scene on a volcano." Jean whispered

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a…" Scott started before Kurt switched off the TV

"And **you** thought that curse was gonna be cut short." Kurt remarked to the audience with a grin, winking


End file.
